


Wounds pt.1

by PrincessLeina



Series: SadGirls™ [3]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Break Up, F/F, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24328123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessLeina/pseuds/PrincessLeina
Summary: Little did I know, love is easyBut why was it so hard?It was like never enoughI gave you all still you want more(I Love You But I'm Letting Go; song by Pamungkas)
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu
Series: SadGirls™ [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1026501
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to get things outta my mind, and a dear friend of mine suggested to turn the thoughts into writings. So here it is, a chuuves angst you'd never know you needed, inspired by true events.

“What is this?” Jiwoo threw a phone to the bed.

“Jiwoo, I can explain…”

“ _I wish I could fuck you right now… Ready to put my tongue in your pretty mouth_ … Oh my god is that a DICK PIC?”

“Please, it’s not like what you think…”

“Oh it doesn’t matter what I think anymore. Clearly, I didn’t mean shit for you. Should’ve known from the start.”

Jiwoo stomped to their shared closet, putting anything that she could grab in a suitcase hastily. She’s hanging on her last thread, trying her best to not break down and cry.

“Jiwoo, I beg you please listen--”

“No you listen to me. I’m done playing. From now on, you’re free to do whatever you and your damned manager were planning. Please, just please… Don’t take away my dignity too…”

  
  


***

  
  
  


**12 Seolleung-ro 103-gil, Yeoksam ildong, Gangnam-gu.**

**9AM**

Jiwoo glanced at the building in front of her. _This is it._ She sighed. Vivi had told her that this job will be easy, she just needed a girl to act for a music video for the famous duo, LipSoul, since the previous girl turned out to be a massive a-hole and ditched them for another engagement. As someone who desperately needed extra cash to pay her rent, Jiwoo immediately said yes. Her best friend slash director of the said video clip trusted her enough of her acting skills, since Vivi just dumped the song lyrics and address to the shooting place.

**_Love Letter._ **

Jiwoo laughed mentally when she read the lyrics. The universe was playing a sick joke on her. A disgusting coincidence, she just broke up with her long girlfriend, 2 years, 5 if you count the useless pining between the two of them. And 3 months later, exactly when Jiwoo was ready to burn the box full of their memories, this apparently came. It’s like fate trying to add salt to her healing wound.

When Jiwoo opened the studio door, Vivi came crashing.

“Jiwoo, please forgive me, I have no idea. The artists insisted on having her as the other talent at the very last minute. I didn’t think she’d say yes but--”

And there she was. Jiwoo’s ex. All in her perfect glory. Long hair gone, now she had this long bobbed brown hair, accentuating the long neck Jiwoo admired so much.

“Really Vi? Her? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“In my defense, she is Jinsoul’s best friend, and I only knew this morning too. I didn’t expect this too, Wooming.” Vivi looked at her apologetically, her eye bags getting crearer.

“You know what, let’s get this over with quickly. I might need a drink though.”

If life wanted to add salt to her wound, she might as well drink tequila with that.

  
  


***

  
  


Vivi came to the makeup room 10 minutes later, giving her a bottle of tequila to Jiwoo. She poured a questionable amount to her almost finished strawberry juice.

“A little early for that, isn’t it?” A figure Jiwoo despised so much took a chair right next to her. Familiar scent of hibiscus, coconut, and bergamot filled the room. It’s the Velvet Haze Jiwoo gave for her birthday.

“Nothing beats alcohol to numb the pain.” Jiwoo answered bitterly and finished her drink. She took a glance at her co-star. Still breathtaking as ever.

“What, do I have to pick you up from an AA meeting next, Jiwoo? This is so unlike you.”

“If you knew anything about me at all, you should've said no to whatever scheme your psycho manager was planning.”

The other woman was visibly taken aback. She knew she was at fault but seeing the cheerful Jiwoo turned into this…

“Again, I’m sorry Jiwoo. Would you give me another chance to explain everything…”

“Shut it Sooyoung. Let’s be professional and end this as soon as possible so I won’t have to look at you ever again. Even the sight of you makes me sick.”

Sooyoung looked at her with disbelief, but nodded anyway. The makeup team came shortly as if on cue after their exchange. Jiwoo put another shot to her refilled juice, and accidentally saw Sooyoung’s quivering lips. She knew better, that’s how Sooyoung dealt with her overwhelming emotions. Guilt almost took over but Jiwoo be damned if she let it sit on the driver’s seat. Cheers to this twisted joke, universe.

  
  


***

  
  


“Okay so I’ll need you two to look at each other. Sooyoung, give me that longing look, like you’re hanging to that tiniest thread of hope. Jiwoo, pure of hatred, but empty hatred, like… You know what, I’m gonna stop myself. Camera ready, lights, rolling, and ACTION!”

Jiwoo needed no direction. She looked at Sooyoung baring her whole emotions. Hate, resentment, disappointment, disbelief, love? She could see it as clear as day in Sooyoung’s eyes. When they say the eyes are a window to the soul, Sooyoung might as well broke the entire wall for Jiwoo to look at. The younger girl could read her like a book and recite its content perfectly, and she mentally cursed herself for that ability. Looking at Sooyoung’s eyes was like looking into a mirror. She saw a broken heart, broken promises, helplessness for the inevitable…

“And CUT! That was perfect! Let’s take 20 and we’ll move to the next scene.” The artists and Vivi clapping in amazement.

Sooyoung was the first to break the eye contact and rushed herself to the makeup room, slamming the door in the process. Not 10 seconds later Jinsoul came rushing and banging on the door. Seemed like Sooyoung locked herself in for reasons Jiwoo refused to acknowledge. She just stood there, motionless, until someone tapped her arm.

“Jiwoo, isn’t it? My name’s Jungeun.”

“Yeah I know. Nice to meet you. Amazing song, by the way.”

“Hehe, thanks. Wrote it myself. Do you mind if I talk to you? Over there?” Jungeun pointed at the corner reserved for the artists. A very private corner.

“Sure, why not.”

They’re both taking silent steps that looked like an eternity for Jiwoo. _Is it about my acting? Or is it about how I tore apart their friend in front of these people?_ JIwoo and Jungeun sat on a black loveseat, uneasiness on the singer’s face.

“So, what’s up?”

“I’m gonna cut to the chase here. You’re an amazing actress Jiwoo, I give you that. But aren’t you being a little too harsh on Sooyoung? I don’t know what happened but can you be civil around her? I get that you have some unresolved past, but let’s speak professionally here--”

“That’s the keyword, miss Jungeun. You don’t know a damn thing about what happened. So instead of sticking your nose into people’s business, please leave me alone and comfort your friend there. I’m surprised she even told people about me. Now if you excuse me, I need a smoke.”

Jiwoo stood, stomped to where Vivi was, took a cigarette box and a lighter from her pocket, and headed to the exit. She knew she shouldn’t have snapped at an innocent Jungeun but her emotions were all over the place and she hated herself for whatever this is. But she hated how everyone seemed to be taking Sooyoung’s side. She struggled to get back on her own two feet, no one to turn to, only Vivi helping at times. She cried alone for nights, looking after herself alone, losing touch with the real world, all by herself. She lost the love of her life, lost her faith, and lost herself in the process. Trapped in a place without no name, nothing to hold on to, sinking slowly in the melodies of the past. Her own brain became her biggest enemy, memories came haunting every night.

She lit a cigarette and inhaled the smoke deeply, letting the toxic penetrate her lungs for longer than it should, and let go after she felt a pang on her chest. She chose physical pain rather than dealing with feelings. After finishing 2 buds, Jiwoo headed back. Back to where everyone will hate her again for breaking Sooyoung’s heart, or so that’s what Sooyoung’s friends understood.

And she was right. Everyone was looking at her in...pity? Whoa this is not what she was prepared for.

“Feeling better?” Jinsoul approached her and tried to start a conversation.

“Are you gonna attack me too, like everyone else?” Jiwoo unconsciously spat her thought and it came out worse than she originally thought. 

Jinsoul smiled, “Nah, I’m the good cop here. Listen, this is the last scene, and I know you wanna go home ASAP and forget about today. So is there anything I can do to ensure you’re comfortable enough for this tricky scene?”

_Right, it’s the throwback scene where the two characters were still in love and happy._

“I think I’ll manage. Is your friend okay, though?” As much as Jiwoo hated Sooyoung, she still cared. She was, after all, her person.

“Jungeun’s been prepping her, but we’ll see.” 

“Okay then, let me change and let’s go.”

  
  
  


***

  
  


They were laying down in a bed with cotton white sheets, with a bed of flowers and tall grass around them. Soft and flowy fabrics hung from above, making the whole place looked ethereal. She saw Sooyoung already sitting snugly with a white summer dress, matching with what she’s wearing. Jiwoo always known, that Sooyoung had the keys to her every weakness. So when the short haired girl turned around and saw her, with a smile that was carved into Jiwoo’s heart, she felt herself drawn again, previous hatred vanished into thin air. And with each step closer, she was drenched more and more with the ‘used to’s. And when they finally sat on the bed, face to face, Jiwoo was officially drained by all the memories of them.

Sooyoung raised her arm, tried to touch Jiwoo’s cheek but stopped, as if asking for Jiwoo’s permission. Like being on autopilot, Jiwoo let her head fall to Sooyoung’s hand, accepting the warmth she was so ready to forget. Sooyoung’s hand was as silky as Jiwoo remembered, and her caress was as tender. They were both went adrift in time, immersed in each other’s presence.

“I miss you.” Sooyoung inched closer, whispered words that went straight into Jiwoo’s heart.

“I know.”

“For all the things I did and didn’t do, please know I was never meant to hurt you.”

“I know, but the pain got to me nevertheless.” The taller girl winced at the soft-spoken words.

“Remember when I burped right after our first kiss?”

Jiwoo laid down, with Sooyoung followed suit, “I do, beer was never your forte.”

She led Sooyoung’s hand to cup her cheek again, missing the touch she didn’t know desperately needed. Sinking herself deeper to the love of her life, consequences be damned. Jiwoo just wanted to bask in Sooyoung’s delicate gaze, surrendering herself in this twinkling moment. Sooyoung traced Jiwoo’s face with her finger, stopping every once in a while, as if Jiwoo would fade away if she touched a little faster. Until she reached Jiwoo’s lips.

“I fired Jaden.”

Jiwoo kissed her finger, “Good for you,” and clasped their hands together, “and I’m letting you go, Sooyoung.”

“Please don’t. Jiwoo, no…”

“I’m tired being the only one who’s fighting, the only one who remembers our important dates, the only one waiting.”

“I’ll fight for you, Jiwoo, for us. Just please give me another chance…”

It was Jiwoo’s turn to graze Sooyoung’s face, savoring every nook and cranny. Looking into her eyes, Jiwoo found a constellation of stars, guiding her way right to her old home, Sooyoung’s heart.

“Words mean nothing, Sooyoung. I never thought I’d be able to do this again. I’ve been grasping to past memories, trying my best to convince myself that this was all a dream, but I knew better. Not all who left, destined to return.”

Sooyoung smiled, but tears ran down her face, “Stop making me fall harder for you, then.”

“Don’t cry, I hate seeing you cry.”

Jiwoo pulled Sooyoung to her embrace, inhaling the scent that was engraved to her brain. It’s been a while since Jiwoo has been chasing pavements, looking for the lost hope, and fighting the inevitable odds. It’s time for her to stop and take a little break.

“If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

“Can we just stay like this, for a little while?” And with a nod, Sooyoung tightened her grip to Jiwoo’s waist.

“I hope time can heal us and we’ll find ourselves together again.” Sooyoung nuzzled closer to Jiwoo’s neck.

“Hope is a dangerous thing. Goodbye, Sooyoung.”

  
  


***

  
  


The last scene was wrapped perfectly, and so was the closure that Jiwoo has been hunted down relentlessly. She felt like a huge weight was lifted from her heart, but instead of feeling relieved, all Jiwoo could feel was… Empty.

The Lipsoul duo came to her after she changed her clothes, expressing their gratitude towards Jiwoo’s exceptional acting, and they were sure this video would win on various platforms. Jiwoo smiled, unable to respond with words, since her soul was no longer inside. Gone the hatred she’s been nurturing for the last 3 months, all that’s left behind was this broken shell that’s unable to feel. She bid her goodbye to Vivi and her crews, Sooyoung nowhere to be found already. _It’s better this way, time will heal me, eventually._

After meaningless pleasantries and various farewells, Jiwoo headed back to her apartment. A sparse space full of unpacked boxes, she couldn’t find the will to properly put things where they belong to. Maybe it’s time to start...not a new chapter, but a whole new book. A book where Jiwoo was this living corpse trying to make it day by day. Faking smiles and happiness for the sake of everyone else’s convenience. No one wanted to know how hollow she felt. _Nobody understands anyway._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we danced in the room  
> Grew our heart a bloom  
> I stopped right there  
> You've found a new home  
> And I should be happy...
> 
> (Man Upon The Hill - Stars and Rabbit)

Jiwoo woke up with a hammer hitting her head, or so what she's feeling right now. Drinking all her problems away seemed like her forte these days, especially with what happened yesterday. To say that she's over it was an overstatement. Jiwoo talked big yesterday, and with the mentality of fake it till you make it, best believe that Kim Jiwoo  _ was not _ over Ha Sooyoung. But who's she's trying to fool anyway, other than herself? Every inch of her body and soul still yearned for that one woman. The woman who took her breath away many years ago. Also the woman who acted like Jiwoo was nothing but a disgusting wound, meant to kept hidden under layers and layers of lies.

After a few minutes regaining her sense of reality, Jiwoo found her phone, at 2% since she forgot to plug that small thing last night. Glancing a little, she got like a dozen of missed calls from Vivi, twenty-something texts, and 3 emails. She sat up and pondered whether to call Vivi back or not, since it's lunch time already, and she's mentally exhausted from god-knows-what, when her (now) best friend called.

"Jiwoo! Oh my gosh I was so ready to call on the police for you! Have you read your texts yet? I'm so sorry again but I thought it was a good thing!"

"Hello Vi, good afternoon to you too, yes I'm good, thanks for asking."

"Right, so I take it you haven't seen the texts yet?"

"What text? Please don't tell me…" 

"I gave your number to Jungeun, you know, she-who-shall-not-be-named's friend? The singer?"

Jiwoo rubbed her temples, mentally questioned herself about what the texts were all about, and already imagined the worst scenarios.

"I'm aware, Vi." 

"She said she wanted to apologize about yesterday, and she sounded so sad, and I know you're also sad, so I'm sorry for giving your personal number to her."

Jiwoo sighed, "What's done is done. Let me check them and call you later. Bye Vi."

She headed to the kitchen making a cup of joe, prolonging the inevitable when her phone rang once again.

"Hello."

"Hi. Hello, umm… Is this Kim Jiwoo?"

"Speaking. And this is?"

"Jungeun. Kim Jungeun. Umm, we met yesterday? I mean you were one of the talents of my music video? I kinda snapped at you?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Umm, are you busy? I wanted to apologize properly, and to talk about something."

"Nope. Sure, talk away."

"I uh, wonder if we can meet? Like face to face?"

"What's wrong with this? I had an exhausting day yesterday and I don't feel like travelling."

"Please, it's important. It's about Sooyoung."

"What about her?"

"It's… Delicate matters. Please, I'll go near your place, just hear me out this time please."

"Fine, since you asked real nice. Cafe YYXY, google it up. I'll meet you in an hour."

The cafe was very secluded, the type where even hipsters would have a hard time finding it, since it's located in the middle of a forest park, and Jiwoo was lucky enough to came across this piece of heaven on her night jog. She almost finished her eggs benedict when Jungeun finally came. She was wearing a huge hoodie with the hood on, half covering her baseball cap. And don't mention the huge sunglasses and face-mask. Being undercover must be going so well for her.

"Hi Jiwoo, it's me Jungeun."

"Oh yeah, didn't recognize you under all of those cover ups. No one in their right mind will wear this getup unless they're trying to have a heat stroke." Again, Jiwoo let her sarcastic tone out of control.

"Um, I'm gonna pretend that's a hello."

"I'm sorry, I still have this hungover. Please sit down and open your so-called disguise, we're literally the only customer here."

"Yeah, you're right."

"Do you want anything? Coffee? Food?"

"Coffee would be swell, do they have like a soy milk decaf latte?"

"One pretentious white-girl coffee, coming up."

"Also gonna pretend I didn't hear that."

Jiwoo walked to the counter slowly, as if trying to stall whatever Jungeun wanted to talk about as long as she could. But today's barista was exceptionally fast and Jiwoo cursed her (Jiwoo read the name tag, Hyunjin) capability under her breath.

"Here's your kiddie juice. Do you want to take a picture before, or after the talk?"

"Why are you so bitter? I have no idea how Sooyoung put up with you for so long. But then again, no wonder she refused to talk about you anymore."

"Right. Is that all?"

"No. Sooyoung is my friend, and something happened that made her...not herself. And then you came again, and in that last scene on the bed, I have no idea what you were talking about but I saw Sooyoung's eyes lit up again, even for a quick second. And then you guys hugged. And it's gone again."

"So? You want me to what? Bring the light back to her eyes?"

"Yes! Isn't that what best friends do? No matter what happened between you two, you're still her bestest friend."

"Best friend? Is that what she told you guys?"

"Actually no, but she talked about you so much. I think it's amusing how a stalker can turn into the best friend of someone she stalked."

"Wait, what? Stalker?"

"Oh please, you were always there on her free times even from years ago, don't think you're so slick. I personally thought you have feelings for my friend and she's kind enough to entertain you. Wait, are you? A lesbian? And having feelings for Sooyoung?"

"Do you have anything against homosexuals, Jungeun?"

"No, but imagining a girl trying to pursue something romantic with my friend is appalling. Well, are you?"

"I don't have to explain myself to a puny mind like you. Is this how you apologize to people, by spitting out baseless prejudice, making yourself superior and call it a day? Guess what? Thank you for making myself feel worse than it already is. I hope stepping on other people's feelings can make you sleep better tonight."

Jiwoo stood up and was ready to flee when Jungeun held her arm, "Sooyoung's getting engaged. In a week. We're throwing a party and that's when her boyfriend will propose."

Something inside Jiwoo cracked, and she could feel coldness creeping up from below. Her heart beat started to get irregular and breathing getting harder every passing second.

"She would want you to be there. Sooyoung's closest people. Don't you wanna be there at her happiest moment?"

She yanked Jungeun's grip as hard as she could, and made a run outside, to the forest. Jiwoo's body shook uncontrollably, and she collapsed in the middle of the trees. Unable to breathe, like something's choking her, or someone's standing on her chest. She felt her head getting heavier, also feeling like she's not in her own body, and not knowing what happened to her terrified her more. 

Her hands were trembling, and when she thought she almost lost her consciousness, a warm hand guided her back.

“Hey listen to my voice. Slowly breathe in, and breathe out. Yeah just like that. Just listen to my voice here and breathe again. Let’s sit down and feel the earth beneath you. You are here, and I am here too. Let’s repeat the breathing in, and breathe out. Good. Are you still dizzy?”

A girl sat next to Jiwoo, guiding her hand to her chest, so Jiwoo can copy how she breathed.

“Do you feel numbness anywhere? Or feeling like outta your body?”

Jiwoo looked at her own hand while trying to breathe properly.

“Okay keep breathing, listen to my voice here,” the girl massaged Jiwoo's hand lightly while still guiding her to breathe with her low voice.

“I-I’m sorry for troubling you…”

“Stop, you’re not troubling anyone. Just focus on breathing and feeling your hands first, okay?”

Jiwoo nodded, and slowly gained the feeling on her hands. She focused all of her attention to inhaling and exhaling.

“I think… I’m good now.”

“You sure, I don’t mind spending another hour with you here though.” The stranger laughed, making Jiwoo feel somewhat lighter.

“Yes, here I can stand up now.”

Jiwoo stood up, taking the girl with her.

“Okay then. My name’s Heejin, and there’s a coffee shop over there, my friend is on her shift now. Would you care for a glass of water or maybe a cup of warm tea?”

“Oh, I was actually coming from there, and I don’t think I paid for my drinks yet.”

Heejin laughed, “That’s fine, I’m sure Hyunjin would scold you a bit though.”

Both of them were walking towards the cafe when Jiwoo saw Jungeun was still sitting in the same spot, focusing on her phone.

“You came back, good. I was calling you but you left your phone here. Were you mad because you thought I was against homosexuals?”

Jiwoo sighed, whatever happened drained her energy to the lowest and she couldn’t refute to that.

“Jungeun? Bless my soul, what are you doing here, girl?” Heejin let go of Jiwoo’s hand and sauntered to Jungeun’s side. She seemed somewhat familiar with the witch and Jiwoo couldn’t bear the thought of it. A girl was waving her hand nonstop and it caught her attention. The barista was calling her.

“Hey, you okay?” was the first thing she--Hyunjin--said as soon as Jiwoo was close enough.

“I’m okay now, thanks to your friend there.” She pointed to Heejin who’s chatting happily with Jungeun.

“I kinda eavesdropped your conversation and then you were running. Do you need water or warm tea?” Hyunjin’s voice was somewhat soothing and it calmed Jiwoo even more.

“Just water, please. I think drinking coffee before eating anything else gave me...whatever that was.”

Hyunjin looked at her sympathetically and handed her a glass of cold water.

“You know, I used to be the one who calmed Heejin down whenever she had her panic attacks. To think that she could do the same to someone else makes me proud.”

“Panic attacks? Is that what it was?”

“Hey I don’t know, I’m just assuming because you guys kinda have that heated argument back there, and it might trigger something in you. Anyway, I’m gonna make you a cup of lavender and chamomile tea, and you cannot refuse since it’s on the house.”

“Thank you, Hyunjin. I mean it.”

“Anything for a potential regular. And I think you were being summoned over there too.”

Jiwoo looked at her previous table, and Jungeun was looking at her.

“I’ll give you your tea over there, relax and if you’re feeling uncomfortable, just give a signal to Heejin, I’m sure she’ll understand.”

Jiwoo walked back to where Jungeun and Heejin were with heavy steps. Sooyoung was already moved on even before they broke up, so this is just the inevitable waiting to happen. Jiwoo never existed in the first place so why get all emotional now?  _ She never loved me anyway. _

“You good?” Heejin was the first to talk, offering a seat beside her.

“I’m okay, thanks.”

“Jiwoo, fyi, I’m not against homosexuals. Heejin here is a lesbian and I am friends with her.” Jungeun was on her second cup, completely unaware of the lack of blood in Heejin’s face.

“Jungeun, I am not out yet. And it’s totally uncool for you to say that because it’s my sexuality, not something you flaunt so you’ll have that gay friend priviledge.” Jiwoo instinctively held the other woman’s hand, hoping that it’ll calm her down now. 

“Oh wow, sorry then. Anyway, Sooyoung’s party, are you in or not?”

Jiwoo looked at the trembling woman beside her, how could someone be this ignorant and live her life as if hurting people wasn’t a big deal, just threw a sorry and everything would be well and swell. Still holding Heejin’s hand, a lot of thoughts running into her mind. Maybe Sooyoung had been surrounded by ignorant people for far too long, she finally became one too. It’s not that she didn’t care about hurting other people, she’s oblivious about it. She didn’t even realize her words or action brought pain to other people,  _ to Jiwoo.  _ But then again, the time with Sooyoung was the best Jiwoo ever had, the happiest she had ever been. 

“Okay. Text me when and where.”

Jungeun put on her shades and hoodie back, “Totally, and Heejin, you’re invited too. The more the merrier. I’m gonna go telling Soul now. See you in a week, guys!”

And with that, the witch reincarnated gone. Heejin was still sitting rigidly, when Hyunjin came bearing the tea she promised earlier.

“Here’s your─Heekkie?? What happened?”

“Jungeun outed me and I feel really shitty now. I mean it's not a big deal, I don’t know why am I upset─”

“Stop. You have a right to feel upset, never apologize for your feelings. It’s valid. Listen, umm, what’s your name again?” Hyunjin now held Heejin like the most fragile thing in the world.

“Jiwoo.”

“Okay Jiwoo, I don’t mean to be rude, but can I get some time alone with Heejin?”

“Hyun no, she was holding my hand when it happened. And… I don’t know, Could you stay, please?”

How could anyone say no to the puppy eyes Heejin had, especially after what happened?

“Of course, I don’t have anything else to do today.”  _ Except for staring blankly at the ceiling until the sun rises again. _

Hyunjin looked around, “I think business is gonna be slow today, so I want the both of you to stay here. I’m going to make hot cocoa for you, bunny.”

Heejin nodded, and guided Jiwoo’s hand to her own, and drew circles on her palm. Jiwoo just sat there, basking on the unpleasant events that had been happening since yesterday.

The constant touch from Heejin’s finger somehow brought clarity to her thoughts. From the sudden meeting with Sooyoung, the first outburst of anger she shot at Jungeun, and the out-of-character moment on the bed with Sooyoung… Jiwoo still couldn’t believe she could say those words so calmly to Sooyoung, not with the pent up frustration that’s been building all of these times.  _ Not all who left, destined to return. _ What a cringey thing to say, now that she thought about it. Life wasn’t some kind of drama where everything would work out in the end. In real life, people will hurt you and step on the wounds. In real life, relationships took more than effort to maintain. In real life, love is a luxury few could afford. In real life…  _ In my life. _

“So, I’m gay.” Heejin stopped moving, looked straight to Jiwoo’s eyes.

“Thank you for trusting me with your identity.”

“Really? Wow. I mean, wow. It felt good saying that. Jiwoo, I’m gay! I’m a girl who loves girls!” The puppy eyed girl stood up and rose her hands up, “I AM GAAAY!”

“We know, now sit down and drink this.” Hyunjin showed up holding a huge mug filled with hot chocolate with marshmallow on it.

“Damn it Hyun, it’s hot outside! Can’t you make this iced instead?”

“No. Jiwoo, how are you feeling, sweetie” She pulled a chair and sat down, taking Jiwoo’s hand who was still in Heejin’s.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I was so overwhelmed and now it feels like I can’t feel anything. But I’m happy for you, Heejin. And I’m gay too.”

“It’s okay Jiwoo, your feelings are─wait you’re gay too?”

“Yeah.”

Heejin skipped around the cafe like a little rabbit, “I am gay and I have 2 gay friends! I am gay and having twooo gay girlfriends!”

Hyunjin tightened her grip on Jiwoo’s hand, “Ignore her. From one gay girl to another gay girl, this is a safe space. The cafe owners are a happily married gay couple, they gave me a job and shelter after I got kicked out. You’re very welcome here.”

Suddenly Heejin came and shoved her phone to Jiwoo, “Did you get this text too?”

> **LipSoul Listening Party (aka Sooyoung’s proposal surprise)  
>  ** **Jinsoul’s Condo, this Sat, 6pm  
>  ** **Do NOT say a damn thing to Soo or I’ll run you over ;)**

Jiwoo checked her phone and there it was, the same text pasted perfectly, as if dragging her back to the harsh reality. This Saturday, meaning 5 days from now. She felt herself sinking into the void again, when Heejin hugged her.

“Let’s skip that, let’s go eating burgers with me and Hyunjin. We’ll go back to my place and binge watching Adventure Time.”

She sighed. Did she prefer to face the dementors of her life or run away, just like what Sooyoung does? 

“As lovely as that may sound, I need to be there. I need to see her, at least for the very last time now.”

Heejin and Hyunjin looked at each other before both of them nodded at the same time.

“Fine, you convinced me. Let’s go together then. That way I can have my two gay friends side by side.”

“Give me your phone number so we can talk about this matter later.” Hyunjin gave Jiwoo her phone.

A few hours later Jiwoo was officially adopted as Heejin and Hyunjin’s daughter. To be honest, they were the first gay friends she ever had. After coming out on her social media, Jiwoo lost most of her friends, only one stayed. Sure, Vivi was the nicest human being, but it’s not the same as the last hours spent with 2jin. They understood her struggles of being a lesbian woman in this homophobic society, where Vivi could only imagine how hard it was. Jiwoo made a mental note to not let the universe screw this up or she swore she’ll have hell break loose later.

Coming back to her apartment, Jiwoo realized how dark and cold it was. Ever since she moved out of Sooyoung’s place, she’s been renting this studio apartment downtown where it’s smaller─much smaller─but it’s home. Her  _ own _ home. Sure, there’s still traces of Sooyoung here and there, like her guitar that’s sitting silently on the corner next to her bed, or those t-shirts that Jiwoo wore to bed because it’s big and comfy.

Okay that’s a lot.

She stripped her clothes off and took an oversized t-shirt that had ‘EDEN’ printed on it, with an apple on the back. Forcing herself to wash up before slumping on the bed, Jiwoo finally let the weight of her past come crashing. How Sooyoung used to tease her for stealing her shirt but pouting when Jiwoo wore her own pajamas. She would dress Jiwoo in her own t-shirt because  _ “you look better in my clothes.” _

One tear led to a soft sob, then a full on crying. It’s the same cycle for the last months and it didn’t seem to stop soon. She’s wasting time chasing pavements inside her own head, diving back to the filthy tunnel of her memory. Replaying each and every scene with great detail, trying to escape the fact that it’s all in the past now, and she gotta move on. She had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yell at me on twitter: @lesbiangawd_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my rant.


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